Romanticize 24: Finding Joy

What to do when you don't know what to do.

Things have been hard lately. And by “lately” I mean this past week…month…year. I seem to be in the middle of a major life upheaval, and the felling waves of discomfort just won’t quit. It feels like, after each ego-crushing, boundary-busting blow I’m dealt, no sooner do I find my footing than another capsizing issue smacks me right back on my butt. And up I climb, inch by painstaking inch, over and over and over.

I’m so tired.

There are days when I can’t get out of bed before 5:00 pm. I’m in constant avoidance mode, ever-bracing for the next problem. I never feel steady. I never feel safe. And let me tell you, the hypervigilance sure does sap one’s creativity. Even worse, at times, I can’t find joy in anything. An old friend called it “the empties”—when nothing appeals, and yet doing nothing appeals even less. A state of stasis that unleashes options like ants crawling over your paralyzed body.

I’m told discomfort is the price we pay for accelerated growth. I can only hope that’s true (and marvel at the fact that I’m not Buddha-level enlightened by now). Today, in the thick of a hardcore bout of the empties, I decided to find some damn joy—just to witness it, even if I couldn’t feel it. And so goes this week’s Romanticize.

The Romanticize

Seek out a small joy.

The Advice

• Usually, for me, this involves getting into my car and driving somewhere scenic. Back roads are my favorite, and I like to meander and get lost. Sometimes I park and take a walk. You can replicate this, no matter your manner of transportation—I know from my time in NYC that busses, subways, trains, and your two feet can deliver you to unexpected delight. But heck, your joy-seeking could just involve getting down low in your backyard for a new perspective or stepping out onto your balcony at sunrise to greet the day and watch it unfold anew.

• If you’re really stuck, make a “sense” list of things you love experiencing, seeing, tasting, feeling, hearing. It will spark an idea.

• If that doesn’t work, take yourself out for a ‘lil treat. A coffee or a pastry or an ice cream or a slice of pizza—pick your poison. This is how I ended up finding today’s joy.

The Inspiration

While staring into space this morning (a favorite pastime of late), I couldn’t think of one thing I’d like to do that would create momentum for all the things I had to do today. So I decided to bribe myself into action. Into my car I went, and off to my local French patisserie for a coffee and sweet.

En route, I passed a small farm, and—boom—the joy was sparked. This particular locale has a long cream-colored barn with a front door that’s perpetually open. Within it, one sole sheep always sits, gazing out. I grinned ear to ear when I saw her fuzzy tan sun-dappled head framed by the dark room beyond, remembering how each time I pass I instinctually look for her. How she makes my day every. single. time. I drive by. The rediscovery of a tried and true joy felt like a bit of a miracle.

Maybe it’s because I’ve recently listened to You Are Good’s Babe episode, but I found myself weaving a storybook background for this sheep. How she feigns sleep every morning until the rest of the flock gets up and heads to the back pasture. Heaves a heavy sigh when she knows she’s finally alone in the cool, shadowed barn. Enjoys a leisurely breakfast of oats and hay free of fighting her way into the trough. Takes a deep, quenching drink of water from the bucket without bumping flanks and muzzles with a handful of bodies. Settles into her spot by the door, ignoring the baahs of the group, who call her strange and stuck up, who don’t understand how a pack animal can rail against its nature with such willful pleasure. A black sheep, they call her—though beneath her wool she’s as soft and pink as the rest of them. She nods a greeting at the blur of a human girl smiling at her from a passing car. How heartening it is, she thinks, to recognize another other.

I’d love to know the results of your Romanticize—feel free to share your experience in the comments, or tag me on Instagram. Until next Wednesday, fellow romantics!